Just Keep Swimming....

I love this little phrase from the well known Disney Movie, "Finding Nemo." My husband said this to me last night as we were retiring for bed after we had an extremely hard day yesterday. "Ashlee, we just have to keep swimming!" I know it is such a cheesy phrase but it holds so much truth! Yesterday, was a hard day for our little family. You would think that going to Cardiology appointments with our daughter every six months would get easier over the past few years but for me, my heart breaks and the old wound gets reopened as I watch my daughter go through these hard procedures. Days before and after an appointment, fear and anxiety set in and it can be almost choking at times, but as the days, weeks and months go by after an appointment that fear and anxiety lessen, only to be experienced once more. What is the most difficult is knowing that I can't fix it!! This trial that we are going through with Karmindy is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through or experience. It doesn't compare to anything else I have ever had to go through. It seems like in the past, a trial may only last for but a moment(even though it seemed like forever to me) but this one is ongoing and will not be one that will go away. At lease in this lifetime. I know that our Heavenly Father sent us here to be tested and with that testing he is wanting to see how we will react and if we will deny him or turn to him. I refuse to deny him because I have seen his hand in our lives repeatedly over the past few years, especially!!! He has helped us get through many hard and difficult things over the past few year that I know that we couldn't have done ourselves. I have felt a peace of love and comfort by not only turning to him but also through many caring friends and family. The outpouring of love from others has been a true testament to me that I am truly loved and I have a powerful support system!! I have learned so much from this trial with Karmindy. I have learned to be compassionate and to recognize the things that others are going through. I have learned that as bad as my trial seems, someone somewhere else is experiencing something so much more and that I need to be thankful for what I have been given and make the most of it. I have learned that when I am feeling down, that if I turn my sadness into service and serve others that I feel so much better. Through all of this, I have learned to lean on my Heavenly Father so much more. I have realized that even though I try to take on things all by my mortal self, I can't do it without my Savior and Heavenly Father. I am far from perfect, in fact I am so imperfect it isn't funny but I am trying even if it is a poor effort in mine and others eyes. I know that our Heavenly Father is seeing my efforts. As for that, I know that he is aware of our little family and of Karmindy. I know that this trial might not go away for the rest of mine or Karmindys life but I know we are not alone. With that, I know that through all of this, if I "Just keep swimming" my Father in Heaven will see my efforts and will lighten the load by throwing me a life preserver when I get tired and can't swim any more. There is Nothing more that brings me great comfort than knowing that my daughter will be mine forever despite how long she is with our little family in this lifetime, as long as I keep my covenants. I am so grateful for my husband who has stuck by my side through our many trying times. There is no one I would rather experience these things with than him. He brings so much peace and comfort to me by having him by my side. I want my kids to know that I love them dearly and that I am glad that they chose me to be there mom. How lucky I am to be a mom to these really special little people. I want my children to know that their mom has a testimony of The Gospel of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.Through all of life's little struggles, I have truly have been blessed ten fold! So with that, I will just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!!